My Body, My Choice, My Consequences

1972, abortion was about to become legal in the US. I was 17, single and pregnant. Fear set in and it was my boyfriend’s decision to take me to have an abortion. After all, I thought, “abortion must be ok because it’s going to be legal… right”? Oh so wrong! I wasn’t even legally allowed to get my ears pierced without parental consent at 17. The day of the abortion, I was terrified and ushered back to a room, to lay naked on a cold gurney. “A table of death”. The suction tube entered my vaginal area, making a horrible vacuum sound …No explanation, no counseling, no anesthetic. After the surgical abortion I was quickly escorted out the back ally door. My boyfriend asked me, “Was it a boy or girl?” “Yikes”… This wasn’t just a pregnancy! This was a real baby I had just suctioned from my body! Not a blob of tissue as they wanted me to think. I bought the lie. I immediately felt condemnation and thought God hated me; that I was unworthy to ever have a baby again. One bad decision led to another. I then married out of guilt into a very emotionally abusive relationship. This eventually resulted in a psych ward admission with a nervous breakdown of hellish proportions! After years of counseling and eventually a divorce, I was left to live out the consequences of my choice to kill my baby. I was alone, felt unworthy of love and unable to receive God’s forgiveness at first. Abortionists neglect the fact that a woman has more than just a body. Women have a spirit, soul and mind that is negatively impacted also. After abortion, my conscious and consequences of regret lived on for many years until going through my after abortion recovery journey and Jesus healed me

17 and single, I was coerced by a parent and boyfriend into a surgical abortion that was prearranged and paid in full with a pastor’s consult to abort. “It’s just a blob of tissue” “Nothing to worry about after it is over” all LIES. The day of, I felt trapped with no escape and pressured even more when the OB/GYN asked me if I wanted to go through with it. I said “ABSOLUTELY NOT”. His only response, “Go talk to the person that brought you. I was never informed of any risks or complications to abortion. I was never shown any fetal development. I screamed as the suction machine began ripping my insides out with my body convulsing. 3 nurses held me down and told me I needed to be quiet. I left empty, physically and emotionally torn apart, abused and totally violated. Intense grief and sadness and depression overtook me. I contemplated suicide. The after effects: miscarriage, Sexual dysfunction, anniversary reactions of illness, self-destructive habits and not bonding with my first born son.

I was born into a Sicilian family with a very controlling father. My parents divorced by the time I was 13. I looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. My first boyfriend was at 14. By 15 I was pregnant. Scared and confused. My boyfriend and his sister in law put me into a big blue truck and coerced me into having an abortion. They said “It’s the right thing to do”. She had also had an abortion. My boyfriend was very controlling. I was also afraid my dad would literally kill me. I remember lying on the table, shaking and so scared. I asked them to stop because I changed my mind. They would NOT stop. I screamed from the intense pain. I asked what they would do with the baby. The woman said it would go into the bucket. My life was never to be the same after that day. I cried a lot, for no reason. Depression set in. My 2nd pregnancy also ended in abortion. I was very sick with a high fever, a lot of bleeding and infection from dirty instruments. At no time during either pregnancy did any clinic show me fetal development. I bought the lies of… blobs of tissue. Age 20 and my 4th abortion, I was so disconnected and didn’t care anymore about anything in my life. I remember asking the Lord to please help me. “Please God, I can't do this anymore”! My teen years and a large part of my life were lost, but Jesus restored my life. Only by His grace and mercy am I able to tell my story. My story of healing and my after abortion recovery journey. My voice speaks for all the babies who were silenced. I am now free to be who God created me to be. I went from darkness to light. My art reflects those stories that are untold. The faceless women are a mirrored reflection for the viewer. So the healing process is transparent and transcends, allowing us to see our true self. I believe we have to live through the pain until we find the truth, and come back to ourselves. Today I have 3 adult children, and 3 grandsons. I dedicate this to my 4 children in heaven; Grace Marie, Christiana, J.J and Emily. Kristina is a professional artist in Michigan and FL and helps other women through their pain of abortion with her artistic gifts and talents. She has been a voice of truth since 2008. Kristina’s art is inspired through stages of her life of working through the pain until coming back to the truth. Kristinacroci.art

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